I went to the
Padres game last night. Free tickets and great seats; can’t be beat. Great seats because a lot of options in town exist other than sitting for a few hours in 99 degree temps. Once the shade set in it was quite comfortable making for a great night out.
First Triple A Tucson team I’d seen since the old Sidewinders in Des Moines on 3 August 2007. I still have that stub. I hang on to things too long sometimes; often for peculiar or even ridiculous reasons.
Summers had been tough on Rosie the last couple of years. Age combined with a silky thick black coat make for an unfair combination. Gradually diminishing hearing added to her challenges as well.
She had an early and thorough coat-cut this Spring, several days before Easter. This made for a much more enjoyable Easter Holiday trip to Yuma. Traveled well and genuinely seemed to enjoy the time, especially trips to a huge park along the Colorado River.
 |
| Easter in Yuma – April ’12 |
By May, however, she became less excited about the every-day walk. That being such a normally exciting thing for her I should have known something was off. She took her time and become more content with turning around early.
With a couple canine guests in May we took a few more trips to different parks which offer grass and shade for all and a chance to slip into a dog park. Some pups like the bounding around while Rosie generally hovered by me after a few minutes of wandering. She hovered more while wandering less. I blamed it on the heat and her age. I wasn’t worried given the unusually warm spring, her age and the upcoming annual vet visit. We’ll simply be told to slow things down for her.
 |
| A Very Young (1+) Rosie |
 |
| Columbus Park – April 2011 |
 |
| Always Ready For a Ride – April ’08 |
 |
| Arkansas – May ’08 |
 |
| Ledges Park – Sept ’08 |
 |
| Raccoon River Park – February ’08 |
I was around Rosie for her last five years, a full third of her life. Nearly five years exactly. I knew something was wrong immediately when the doc was examining her. She lingered longer than usual and asked more questions than usual. I fought the lump and asked what to do. Would this be similar to Shadow of only four months earlier. Of course it’d be the same outcome; but I wanted to know the path, the course we’d take. While I knew I still was not prepared for another round of feeling completely helpless.
Without waiting for the biopsy results I made the first available appointment with the referred oncologist. Hope.
Dr. Klein rolled out an array of options, odds, side-effects, actions, etc. to address
canine lymphoma. Real hope. We opted for the Gold-Standard course—nothing but the best for the old gal. She was strong and healthy and we were counting on a little luck to bring us some good news. I only hope it wasn’t too selfish.
The days between routine check-up, referral, specialist then treatment remain a blur. Blending together into a mess of denials, cramming in ‘finals’, negotiating with Rosie to eat anything, fighting off recurring feelings of being numb.
 |
| Watching Over Shadow During Her Last Days – Feb ’12 |
 |
| Relaxing Far From the Water – August ’11 |
 |
| Columbus Park – June ’12 |
 |
| CortaroSilverbell Dog Park – May ’12 |
 |
| Leave Me Alone, I’m Sleeping |
|
 |
| I Hate Getting Haircuts – October ’11 |
Gold standard treatment was supposed to be in our favor, according to all the charts. Unfortunately the chart has two sides; even if we thought we’d land on the favorable side. We didn’t.
Every side effect, whatever small the chance, we ran into. Witnessing a family member suffer from a terminal illness is all consuming. Feeling helpless in spite of making your best efforts is equally as draining. Neither compare to what happens on the unfavorable side of the chart.
 |
| Nap Time – June ’11 |
After a week of watching the old gal give everything she had to fight and move forward she delivered the final message that it was time. A well timed great night at the park marked the final wind down. I laid next to her in the bathroom after midnight, hoping her still-sharp mind would somehow communicate what her failing body already had. I believe she did. Later that morning as we reaffirmed with Dr. Klein it was time; we wouldn’t try another formula, another level of treatment or whatever was available we had several moments of doubt. As we stretched on a few more moments with her she lay down her head, nearly falling asleep on the office floor. Relaxed, comfortable and safe. It was time.
