After more than 30 years of employment, nearly 25 which could be defined as semi-to professional it’s been challenging to revert to much more of a ‘taken-care-of’ role. Weekly, sometimes daily ups and downs filled the first six months. Posturing, positioning, proving, shirking, over-compensating, hedging. All actions or reactions taken by one or both of us for several months as we made our way through and to a still very uncommon relationship. By some studies in 2008 fewer than 3% of U.S. homes were run by a stay-at-home male. Likely a tiny fraction of that for homes with no minor children present. It’s just not the manly thing to do. It’s clearly not for everyone/every couple as it creates a dynamic that cannot be accurately described; only understood through living it.
Keys to success include continual open communication, patience, compromise, patience, creativity and patience. I also couldn’t imagine being in this position without some type of gainful employment; in my case a semi-thriving micro-micro business. Given that 3% figure it’ll be generations before a natural place for men will be in the home so having complete autonomy over an income generating side-line would seem to be critical to success as well. True to the 3% figure I know of only one other similar house-spouse so really cannot get any feedback how this would work without an independent set of responsibilities that result in independent income.
I’ve found the upsides to dramatically outweigh the down. I’ve never eaten so much fresh food, I’ve never had a hot breakfast so many times in a week, I can’t recall the last stretch of time this long I’ve not had so much as a head-cold let alone get sick or have one of my typical tension headaches. Errand free weekends equate to plenty of quality personal/social/recreational time, overall quality of life keeps climbing up the scale.
This isn’t the feeling in all cases; especially over the last four+ years that has found many men unwillingly landing in this role. I’d expect that 3% has spiked up significantly recently. Indeed according to the US Bureau of Labor in 2011 only 16% of US households was headed by a breadwinning father and stay-at-home mom. Seems the trend is gaining traction.
Oh, another bonus has been the chance to upgrade my science skills. Sometimes (ok, nearly always) Ames’ days get away from her. Sometimes unbelievably so. As a result the fresh-packed lunch occasionally turns into a science project something like this:
Fortunately she’s great natured and our composting pile eagerly accepts her unique experiments, heh heh!
As the year draws to a close it seemed an appropriate time for even a brief reflection on how truly fortunate I am; it’s certainly not lost on me. Happy Happy
AniMal
